Setting and keeping our personal boundaries:
A boundary is our personal space that gives us a clear sense of who is and what are our goals. We permit others to enter into our personal space to set our personal boundaries physically, mentally and emotionally. Hence, boundaries are the limits till which extent we allow others to enter into our personal space. This gives us personal and emotional protection. Setting and keeping our personal boundaries will help us to stand up for ourselves and stop agreeing to do things what others want us to do.
Healthy boundaries are those that are fair and reasonable and appropriate according to one’s age and maturity. We should say yes or no without fear or anger. It’s a part of the process of defining ourselves and what is acceptable to us. It demonstrates our commitment to self-respect and responsibilities to create the quality of one life one really wants.
Here are some tips by which we can set our boundaries:
1. Avoid being a Doormat: We become “Doormat” when our personal boundary is weak or non-existent. When we say “yes” to all requests because we have fear of rejection; tolerate disrespectful behavior; avoid conflicts; see no flaws or weakness in others etc. We are responsible how we allow others to treat us.
2. Identify the unacceptable: Become aware when we become annoyed, irritated, hatred, frustrated, angry or dishonored. They point to the areas where our boundaries are crossed.
“Self-image sets the boundaries of individual accomplishments.” – Maxwell Maltz
3. Be Emotionally Honest: When we feel hurt or annoyed by others’ behavior. We should be honest and tell them without making “you” types of sentences. We should follow a simple way of When you… I feel….I want…
4. Learn to say No: “ Try not to become a man of success but rather to become a man of value.”
– Albert Einstein
We should say no to those things which are against out esteems. We should stop doing things to please others at our own expense.
5. Be Clear: Speak to others how we prefer to be treated, what we expect of them, and what we consider objectionable. Communicate without blaming and anger, indicating very specifically what we want. We should verbalize our boundaries.
“ We must all suffer one or two things in our life; the pain of discipline; pain or disappointment.”
– Jim Rohn
6.Follow-up: When someone tries to trample our boundaries, we should gently request them to honor our boundaries. Communicate honestly. We should be very specific about what we want otherwise we will attract any boundary invaders.
“Disciplining yourself to do what you know is right and important, although difficult, is the high road to pride, self-esteem and personal satisfaction.” – Brian Tracy
7. Apply various strategies:
1. Inform Others – “Do you realize that you were speaking very loudly?”
2. Request – “Please do not raise voice to me.”
3. Instructions- “You need to lower your voice.”
4. Warning – “ You may not speak to me in that tone.”
5. Leave – “ What you doing is unacceptable to me. We will talk once you will get calm down. I need to leave now to protect myself.”
8.Respect other boundaries: If we want others to respect our boundaries, we need to respect theirs too.
Setting and keeping our Personal Boundaries are in our hands. Think Wisely.
Signs of unhealthy boundaries:
- Talking to strangers at an intimate level.
- Love at first sight.
- Going against personal values to please others.
- Touching a person without asking.
- Letting others control your life.
- Letting others dictate their view for you.
- Letting others decide the way of your life.
It’s not how much you accomplish in life
That really counts,
But how much you give to others.
It’s not high you build your dreams
That makes a difference,
But how high your faith can climb.
It’s not how many goals you reach,
But how many lives you touch.
It’s not who you know that matters,
But what you are inside.
Believe in the impossible,
Hold tight to the incredible,
And live each day to its fullest potential.
You can make a difference in your world.
– Rebecca Barlow Jordan